Port Townsend, WA: Neither rain nor sleet nor gale force winds can keep those Kinetinauts down!
If you meet a Kinetic racer from Port Townsend, watch out. They are shameless, two bit hustlers, every one. How do they even sleep at night? On a big bed of lies, that's how.
They're so sweet and modest, those PT racers. And when you're lying in the grass after a race in another town, swigging wine under the stars, it all sounds so nice. "Come to Port Townsend," they say. "It's not much, not like your three day race through Humboldt. Ours is more like a three day party with a four hour race at the end!" Nothing sounds better than that on a starry summer night in Corvallis with a bottle of Shiraz passing around.
"I'm from Port Townsend," for some people, is code. It is understood by other kinetinauts to mean "Aw shucks, I'm just a little racer from little Port Townsend. My craft is not too hardy and neither am I, but we have fun."
If you had been paying more attention and drinking less wine, your first clue that something's up here would have been that it's a Kinetic race in Port Townsend. In October. Yes, art vehicles pedaling through the tippy top of Washington's Puget Sound. In October.
Incidentally, this Queen is mildly peeved that there are so many Kinetic races happening in October. At least three, possibly more as new races are being born every year. Clustering so many in October (and three in May alongside our Kinetic Grand Championship) forces some difficult choices on the Kinetic diehards who would love to see more of the Kinetic circuit! But I digress.
In PT, an October race means a lot of uphill pedaling through this picturesque seaside town amid gale force winds, white caps on the bay, and pouring rain. But those sneaky Port Townsend folks definitely lived up to their rep for fun. The whole town appeared to be taking part, with the "Welcome to Port Townsend" sign modified to add "Kinetic Race."
I was housed by Magic Bus engineer Charlie Bodony and his lovely Rosehip Kween and Magic Bus pilot, Katy Morse. They are masters of hospitality who also happen to be developing a revolutionary all-terrain rescue vehicle. The Magic bus is a prototype, and Charlie swears those five foot tires "leave a smaller footprint than I do."
The festivities opened Friday night with, what else, a party to kick off the 25th Anniversary Port Townsend Kinetic Skulpture Race weekend. They have their own royalty in PT, Rosehip Kweens, and the candidates for 2007 Kween were out in force, campaigning their hearts out. But it was just too easy to peg Sparkle as the likely winner. She was working the room like a champ in a hat ringed with candles. She was ready to be Kween.
The next morning was the parade of sculptures. Pirate ships, bulls, Greek Goddesses, giant kangaroos, etcetera, etcetera, rolled down PT's Water Street with me riding forefront in a very non-Kinetic SUV with past Rosehip Kween and PT race organizer Janet Emery. (So ironic, it was the second time in a week that I, the Kinetic Queen, had appeared in a parade in a fossil fuel burning contraption. The previous weekend I had been in a convertible for the Humboldt Pride Parade, flying a banner proclaiming "I'd Rather Pedal!")
I had the honor of being recruited as last minute pit crew help for not one but two teams! I got to roll with the Chariot of the Goddesses and Bounce For Glory. It was an almost entirely honorary position, for while I am indeed quite strong for my barely-five-foot frame and deeply enthusiastic, there is a reason I am Queen and not racer or pit. I got to tie and untie a few things on Peter Wagner's ingenious Bounce For Glory, which looks like a tough motorcycle, propels without pedals and is a constant crowdpleaser, and I got to hold Peter steady coming out of the water and through the sand. Still, I will shamelessly add it to my evergrowing Kinetic resume!
I wish I had gotten a little more time with the Chariot of the Goddesses. Our famous Goddess Jen-O has been in Kinetics since she was five years old. She is usually seen keeping races along the West Coast moving smoothly, acting as racer liason, scorekeeper, maker of mindbending Goddess Juice, and all around Voice of Reason for years. But this is the first time our Goddess actually raced!
Saturday night was the notorious Rosehip Ball, where folks dance their butts off and, oh yeah, pick the Rosehip Kween for the next day's race. The band, Seattle's Free Rain, was rockin the house with a repertoire of party standards like "Shout" and "Loveshack," and I got to dance to "Jailhouse Rock" with two phenomenal Blues Brothers impersonators. Who were those guys? They had all the details down and they took over they floor with spot-on Jake and Elwood moves. I would like to marry them. Both.
I had yet another supreme honor, that of being asked to sit with the past Rosehips and help select this year's Kween. Of ten or so fabulous candidates, Sparkle seemed to have it, bribing us with lush Spanish Coffee (it helps that she owns a bar!) and for her talent, she performed "solo synchronized swimming, underwater." I could describe how she accomplished that onstage, indoors, but I prefer to leave it to your imagination and tell you you really had to be there.
After the pageantry, we Queens snuck down a dark, narrow stairway to the basement while above us the band played and people danced. Some of the Kweens lit cigarettes as we got down to the important business of selecting the 2007 Rosehip Kween. We narrowed it down to three and the audience picked their Kween from that final three with applause: Sparkle, of course!
The next day's opening festivities had to be held indoors as those wicked winds were so strong. But they miraculously calmed as soon as it was time to start pedaling. I was impressed that Kween Sparkle traveled the course on a bicycle with the racers while the rest of us were chauffeured in a stylish, decked-out Royalty Van.
The water crossing of course had to be relocated to a 30 yard or so paddle across a small inlet tucked away from those scary white caps on the open water. By the time we got to the mud, the rain was pouring. Pouring. I was dressed for warmth but not for dryness. I was quickly drenched. Peter found two burly folks who owned mud boots (I didn't bring mud boots because I didn't know I'd be asked to be pit crew) and I was so happy to be mere visiting royalty, watching from the van as Sparkle reigned from the middle of the mud and Bounce For Glory made an agonizingly slow slog through. I really did not expect him to make it. I might have even muttered something under my breath about "that stubborn SOB."
As the Royalty Van pulled away from the mud bog and made way, at last, for the Water Street Brewery, we saw The Chariot of the Goddesses and their partners on Plan B pulling up to a nearly deserted mud crossing, and we all clucked in sorrow for them.
This was the final run for Wok On The Wild Side, that kooky carton of Chinese takeout that has traveled more of the Kinetic circuit than almost any other team. Riki, Rylan and Tom are already planning their next sculpture, and it's going to be a scream. That's about all I can tell you right now.
The Bull was said to have shattered its transmission during the pre-race floatation test. Was it repaired before the next day's race? It made it one block down the course, coming to a rest in front of the brewery. Was it pushed, or did it stop there by glorious fate? Marilyn Kurka, racing veteran and team leader of Running With The Bulls, would not have you be surprised. She's from Port Townsend and she's perhaps the most flagrant player of the I'm-From-PT card. But the team held hands and walked through the mud together barefoot in a beautiful display of team spirit and solidarity, and were later seen warming up back at the brewery.
And it turns out both Bounce and the Goddesses survived the mud. Peter mastered his third or fourth out of about five races so far this year, he's not quite sure, and Jen-O mastered the course in her first race ever. Nice. "We won like five awards," she exclaims. "I have to quit now. I'm retiring on top!"
Indeed, you may not be able to trust those wacky PT folks, but they are a lot of fun.
Rutabaga Queen Emma The EmChantress, known to some as Emma Breacain, is almost dry now that she's back from Port Townsend.
Thank you for reading all the way down here... See you on race day!
